I’ve just completed the second module of my Professional Diploma in Coaching and Mentoring at Kingstown College. In my last post I wrote about my first module. Here’s what stood out this time.

The best coach isn’t the one who’s walked in your shoes

Clients often assume the best coach for them is the one with the most similar life experience. If you work in a particular industry, you look for a coach from the same business. The thinking is that someone who has been in the same shoes, and overcome the same challenges, will get you better outcomes.

That’s not what I learned in class this weekend. The best coaches are the ones who can use the toolkit they’ve been given to help the client work through their own challenge. A similar background doesn’t help nearly as much. What matters more is knowing the tools well, and knowing which one to use, and when, for the right purpose.

It makes sense when I think back to my first module. The coach’s job isn’t to hand over answers from their own experience. It’s to guide the client towards their own solutions, and a good toolkit is how you do that.

The power of reflection

Reflection isn’t a tool I would normally use myself. This time, though, I found that the flow and format of the different reflection tools we practised dig deeper into the client’s mind.

With a good reflection toolkit and the right questions, clients can find clarity from the actions and events that have happened to them. Instead of just going back over what happened, they get to make sense of it. It also brings me back to the point from my first module: the right question matters, and reflection is where it does its best work.

Values and ethics

Finally, we explored the client’s values and ethics, which guide how they make decisions. There is a toolkit for this, but mostly it takes a lot of experience to know the right question to ask, to poke at the surface and bring the client’s values out.

Once the values are on the table, we challenge how the client feels they are honouring them right now. That gap may be the cause of their current troubles and stress.

I’ll admit I struggled with this one during the breakout session. I had never thought much about my own values and ethics, so listing them on the spot was hard. I took some time in the evening to reflect and ask myself the questions, and came away with a list. It was a really eye-opening experience, and I don’t think I’m done yet. I’m still trying to get to the bottom of my personal values.

Over to you

If you’ve been coached, or trained as a coach, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Do you think it helps more to work with someone who has walked in your shoes, or someone with a strong toolkit? And have you ever sat down and listed out your own values? How did you find it? Leave a comment below.

Thank you to my classmates for another great weekend of practice and conversation. Four more modules to go.