Brain Ooze

I cannot remember in details what happened last night with my anger management but I certainly scared a few people. Last night was tua pek kong procession. We were split into groups to follow a certain chariot along the route.  After assembly, we were briefed and then brought to Chulia Street to wait for our floats.

Not sure if it was a hindsight of the commanding officer, but we were asked to cross the road and stand in front of people, who are already lining up.

Well, if I were the bystanders who came early to take the front row, only to be “invaded” by this punch of people who came from no where, I would be pretty pissed. So I took the noble path *ahem* and stood behind the row of spectators. As long as I can catch a glimpse of the float contingent numbers, which are prominently displayed, I should be OK.

And that is what happened. It started with a lady asking if the guys in front can squat down. Then this guy, middle age skinny fellow with a boy, started to shout at the members in front. They guys in front pointed to the commanding officer and the officer just waved the man away.

Of course he got more furious and started to shout more. Remember that I was standing behind everyone else and at this time, just an audience to the whole charade. I thought I want to be a hero and told him that we were leaving soon and the space will be reclaimed.

It is at this point of time, he turned his anger at me. And it is at this time, when anger takes over, details became blurry. I remembered clearly telling him to calm down and we will be gone soon. Every time I told him, calmly and softly, he kept shouting at me. I remembered on the 3rd time he shouted at me, I shouted back.

Yes, it was at this time, uniform, in front of hundreds of people, I literally blasted him back (to use a more subtle, child friendly word). No profanities, I just shouted louder than him. I can shout, ask my classmates. I don’t remember what I shouted back at him for, but it was loud and I remembered my body language was rather aggressive.

It accumulated to him dragging his son out to the middle of the road and asking what would I think if he stood in front of is. I told him to go ahead as I walked forward. I am no small size and with the crowd, he finds himself in the middle of the empty road.

At that time, he stopped shouting and made his way back to the crowd.

I remembered after his “retreat”, I was still shouting, god knows what I said. After that, I also stopped and we never made eye contact after that though he stood near.

Frightening? Yes. Do I think I am in danger at that time? Yes. Why did I do what I did.. well a little soul searching later on, I think it was because I was pissed at something else that happened earlier. I cannot pinpoint what. But I was so charged up with anger, I just laid it out on the first person who I think “deserve it”.

It was a holy day, a good effort on my side to earn karma points. And I just had to lose it.

After the 10KM walk, as we reached back to base to pack up and leave, one of the members said I really lose it on the poor man. No one dared to tell me off at that time. They are smarter than that. I am the only stupid one there.